The Hourglass

This morning, Kent cleaned the kitchen and I did laundry and some shop work. Then we headed out for a lazy day of breakfast, fishing and ice cream! How cool is Kent for digging in and doing more work, how blessed are we to have a business, how cute and talkative and sweet is Owen, and how grateful are we to have this pregnancy and being so close to meeting Joel!

There are a lot of things that I worry about, problems that surface and long, mundane days. But I won't let these things swallow up the joyful things. Can you tell I'm an emotional pregnant lady. ;)

I really like the following quote by Sister Workman in her talk, the Quest for Joy:

Joy is not a stranger to pain. We may not feel deeply enough to know joy unless our hearts have been hollowed out by sorrow. A heart may not be big enough to know real joy until it has been stretched and pulled by trials and hard things.

Sometimes I feel like my young adult life has been like an hour glass bottle. I started out on top with with room to grow and make choices. Then the walls started closing in; my choices put necessary pressure on me as I went on a mission, finished school and we started a family. I feel like we are at the crux, the center of the hour glass as we hold out a few more months before we have a career, a place to settle, savings and security. I remember a girl from my old ward saying she didn't like to just survive but thrive in life. I want that feeling. To help others and not just myself. To progress and grow. I feel stuck and hope that the rest of this year brings us out into that open space at the bottom of the hour glass with less pressure and room to make new choices and to achieve more worthwhile goals. 

I finally took Owen into a pediatrician for his asthma and allergies. She was thorough but didn't really say anything new other than to use an inhaler and recommend us to an allergy specialist. I was feeling kind of discouraged for Owen and not wanting him to have any setbacks as he has his whole life ahead of him. But then that quote came to me again and not just a "we all have trials, deal with it" conclusion. But a feeling of trials as a catalyst to happiness. They are the catapult that flings us up into the air where we can feel new feelings of happiness. "We may not know real joy until we have been stretched." Owen deals with it and simply says: " I'm not wheezing anymore!!" with a big smile when it passes. He finds something to be happy about, always.

Kent is also a good example of the quote where it says: " hearts hollowed by sorrow, feel deeply enough to know joy." As he has pushed through jobs that are less than ideal, he keeps a forward thinking perspective and works hard at his goals. He finds happiness in getting outdoors, raising Owen, and supporting me in my endeavors. He is good natured and balances out my strong personality.

I wish those feelings of joy would last longer, I wish I could skip some challenges. I can't, though, so I'll just look forward and hope that I'm doing enough and learning enough to call this "squeeze" a blessing :)

I haven't had a spare moment to prepare for the time and energy a new baby takes. I am itching to do some spring cleaning and find the baby items I need. I also feel like a first time mom going into everything oblivious and not prepared for delivery, nursing, or sleep training....I'm sure it will work out but I'd rather thrive than survive ;) Joy in the journey, not the destination, I guess. Right, Barnes family?!